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How I Finally Found Balance as a New Mom (Spoiler: It took TWO Years)
September 17, 2017
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Several months ago I decided to admit something to myself. I grieved a life I no longer had. I mourned the first year of Vivi's life when taking care of her didn't involve a running, screaming little human giving out orders! After Vivi turned one, and I accomplished my goal of breastfeeding (pumping) for a whole year I thought the transition would be easy. After all, I was gaining my body back right? The older they get, the easier it becomes right?

Wrong. This is how year 2 started.

Vivi started to sleep through the night, but now I stayed up worrying about my to-do list. I had a new job I was very excited about, but the lack of melanin was overwhelming at times. I could freely drink margaritas without calculating pumping schedules, yet my metabolism wasn't for it.

The swift transitions of motherhood doesn't come with warning labels. They hit you fast, and it is so easy to fall behind. I allowed myself to fall behind (almost 20 lbs worth actually) until I decided to listen to the advice Maya Angelou gave me so long ago:

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.

I looked at my life and thought about the voids I had allowed to accumulate from my pregnancy and decided I was going to live differently.

First, we joined Wheeler Ave Baptist Church. After YEARS of searching for a suitable church home, we joined one of the first churches we visited. Funny how God works. Less than 10 minutes from our house, with a full day daycare, the transition has been amazing.

Next, I changed my diet. I didn't go Vegan; or cut all carbs. But, I did cut junk food, most fried foods, and started to consistently meal prep. I had to re-learn the discipline that was effortless during my pregnancy and pumping days.

Third, I joined a gym. Shout out to The League and Terry for bringing me a level of physical balance I have not experienced since HIGH SCHOOL. To date, I have lost 25 lbs, gained some muscle definition, and might even see some abs before 2018!

I want to clear that everyone's definition of balance is different. You may not care to lose weight. You may be a stay at home mom experiencing completely different professional realities. Balance is intensely personal, and once I allowed myself to seek it - I had to have it. The desire was to be the best version of myself: spiritually, personally, and professionally. The funny thing is - once I started my journey to find balance - blessings began to find me. Some big, some small, but blessings nonetheless. Makes me wonder if my lack of balance was blocking the blessings God had for me.

And yet, for all the balance I have recently found, my life is just as crazy as ever. This blog was meant to go live over weeks ago. I STILL haven't learned how to braid Vivi's hair, and we had to get a new refrigerator (not in the budget) when the one we had stopped working and our insurance provider is still in post-Harvey mode.

Moral of the story: Balance and personal peace are something we have to seek, desire, and never let go. Not for your husband, or children, or family, or friends - but for yourself. You are enough of a reason to be your best self.
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